Threw my underwear in my purse as I was running away after sex last night, went to pick up my birth control prescription this morning, took out my wallet and accidentally flung my sweet thong onto the counter in front of the cashier. Think that was the universes way of telling me I am a whore.
I wish I could tape me & him having sex. Not for pornographic reasons, just for comic relief.
i'm so desperate for a drink right now i looked up the recipe to make pruno
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
Can you get arrested or in trouble for punching a dead relative in a casket?
i feel like verizon should give a sexter of the month award
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
ASS. GYMANSTICS. OLYMPICS. NOW!!!
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
It's 2pm, and I just had to pass a guy in the turning lane because he was driving down Main Street in an electric wheelchair pulling a flatbed trailer with 2 of his buddies in it and they were all drunk holding beers.
nobody put me to bed and I ended up peeing on a tree and got written up
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
There was a woman who drank mouth wash to get drunk during her supposed detox...this is def the internship for me!
He came into my room last night and started peeing underneath my desk, I told him the bathroom was the next door over.
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
