first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
She seriously needs to find another hobby other than bouncing on cock.
the drag queen on stage looks like shes wearing the EXACT same dress i wore 2 senior prom.
This girl has a second refrigerator that she uses JUST for liquor, her kitchen chairs are kegs AND she can grill. I'm not coming back.
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
you are not my drinking buddy, you are my drinking enemy.
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
you told me I was being patronizing because I didn't want you to run barefoot across a construction site
kick those bitches in the teeth and tell them mama came to party
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
I bought him flowers and fake vampire fangs, cuz there's really not a greeting card that says "Sorry I got wasted last night and started a very sloppy bloodletting ritual.".
my dad just built a flame thrower.. you should probably get here
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
