Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
my clit piercing makes the metal detector go off
I just told you I can't. My fingers are melting. I have discovered the high.
You opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a wall last night.
I just need to go to a bar tonight wrapped in an American flag singing the national anthem
hand shaped bruises on both boobs again....i wish i could say this is the first time.
I keep telling girls I work at the carnival and then guessing their weights. I'm pretty sure I'm about to get kicked out.
It's not a good night until someone eats a bagel covered in face mask thinking it's cream cheese
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
I just had to take my laptop away from him because he was on Amazon and had 20 Seahawks garden gnomes in his cart.
When you get home...find me in the shower. Only safe place at the moment.
I've never been to an orgy, but I would assume nachos wouldn't be out of the question at one.
i woke up on the couch at 5:24am, hangover, craving for some ribs, but i only had a bag of cheetos and a half empty beer. man what a breakfast.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
The sex would be better if it wasn’t interrupted because his home detention ankle monitor needed charging. At least I know he’s not cheating on me
Do you even hear yourself?
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