my phone is set on vibrate and its tucked up in my left front pocket. call me back 20 times real quick.
my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
we were playing true or dare on a webcam chat and i was way to drunk ...i ended up having to drink my own piss outta a beer bottle, life couldnt get any worse right now
no, i'm proud of you. this is the happiest you've been since you discovered that bowls can be used as cups if you don't feel like washing dishes.
how do flat chested girls get laid?
he was writing an apology letter to his liver in shakespearean english... That much fun...
this is not okay. even my mom refers to me as a sorostitute.
im honestly just eating salsa and looking at his penis
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm staying in tonight, it's my Christmas present to my liver.
Ur dog was like a damn middle school chaperone this morning trying to lay between us after what he saw us do last night
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
I'm sure you're still partially crippled from thar blow job on Saturday, so I understand it's probably difficult to text.
So do you know how we found out he was engaged?
An Amber Alert?
Randomize
