Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
True or false: I did not bring home a 28 year old last night.
True? Did she teach you things?
She taught me the meaning of awkward goodbyes at 530 am.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
all I remember is repeatedly winking at the fire marshall while he was counting the people in the bar
He asked me to coffee and I had no choice but to be honest. So naturally I told him that sobriety and monogomy are not two of my strong suits.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
I AM HAVING A WEIRD OUT OF BODY EXPERIENCE. IN CAPS LOCK.
don't tell me about being eco-friendly. i just threw up in the same bag i bought my liquor in. RECYCLING
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
She answered the door wearing a basket, said it was the only clean thing she had.
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