Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
all we need is a web designer
and a bunch of prostitutes
yah I made NO friends last night. at one point i think i replaced talking with spitting
my family just sang happy birthday to baby jesus. no ones even drunk yet
As soon as he told me I had a 'pretty laugh' I knew I'd be putting out more than I had originally planned.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
And if not, hey- I've never had a restraining order before, so that will be cool
It could be our claim to fame
Done. I'll pack a cooler.
They have an open bar at this baby shower. I was born to be Cuban.
Harry Potter. Singing. Sobering up. In that order.
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
Hey.. there are 2 people i've never met before spooning in the bathtub. Please elaborate on what went down last night.
then he grabbed my tit and yelled "FOR NARNIA!!" then dove into my vag. i think I will do him again strictly for the entertainment value
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
THE COP WHO TOOK MY MUGSHOT LAST NIGHT JUST ADDED ME ON FACEBOOK
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
Randomize
