You surviving the open bar?
Super asto ex polenta omaha botad
so he was shitfaced and kept using sticky notes to label everything like "beer spill" and "going to fuck later"
omg. don't know how to spell his name, but hot new zealand guy's dick is magic
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Its pretty simple actually, if she texts me either Grr or Rawr it means she is horny and wants to bone. its a perfect system
She seems less like a roommate, and more like a homeless person who snuck into your apartment.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
No later than 4:00 ok - I'm tying my viagra high into a superbowl halftime showstopper. Ya, you might wanna look away for that
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
He fingered me in a Waffle House bathroom and then stole a traffic cone. Is this love that I'm feeling?
For someone who wanted a break I'm getting way to much dick
I don't suppose you have a recipe for a cocktail made of bitter resignation, regretting everything, poor life descisions and deep-seated self-loathing?
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
Whatever douche. I sucked the dick that made you. I. Win.
Randomize
