I've been reduced to Capt. Morgan and Golden Girls reruns. Ugh.
I know ur sleeping, sorry for waking you but i just saw a girl with mittens on using her nose to control her ipod touch
i just threw up ON my final. epic way to end the semester.
im flying all the way to minnesota to see him for four days... cutest-best-friend-reunion or most-epic-booty-call-ever?
who says it cant be both...
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I don't think I can handle being a slut. There is a lot more emotional stress that I never realized.
We're trying to leave but amy's hitting on the guy who mans the nacho cart
I just scrubbed chocolate off the bathtub... You better have had a damn good birthday
I was just too high to be in rapids man. I just screamed for the entire time I was jostling about.
Professor just informed us that she can't come to class today because her daughter broke her glasses and she can not see where she is going. Am I still drunk from this weekend?
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Apparently "I have the beer shits" isn't the excuse my boss wanted to hear. So sue me
Stormed out of the house in frustration and now I'm in public and have to take a rage dump. Today sucks.
Why isn't there a super hero that comes to the aide of really high kids when they kill their car battery?
Hey, you can never be fully sure you're straight until you jerk off to gay porn
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