Do you think if I drink bleach they will let me leave work?
Her life must suck. All she's got is "Miss Shamrock" WHICH SHE LOST!
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
NEVER PUT A LIT CIGARETTE BEHIND YOUR EAR
We didn't have sex because he locked himself in the bathroom and passed out while he was taking a shit. I cuddled with his cat.
I dreampt that we were shooting zombies while we having sex. Is that normal?
Please don't pee your pants in the cab. One more time, and im pretty sure the cab companies will refuse to pick you up anymore
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
Randomize
