im dressed up like a present. waiting for someone to unwrap me ;)
this is your brother
winter break is going to suck... i have to put away my college personality and transform into who my parents think i am.
He set 8 alarms to make sure I took my birth control on time..
Pregnant only lasts nine months, being hot takes way longer to go away. So yes, I will continue to hit on the hot pregnant girl.
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
You skyped me last night to show me the girl passed out on your bed.
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
Which genius got me a voicemail of myself puking?
Can an epipen be used as a tranquilizer ?
I think it was the free bomb shots from the creepy bolivians that sent us over the edge
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
So don't be alarmed when you go into your bathroom, he's sleeping in the tub with your brothers dinosaurs. also I'll clean up the sticky floor later. (you don't wanna know)
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
Tent sex on an air mattress requires balance and flexibility. Not for the faint of heart
Apparently when you start crushing adderall and blending them into your margaritas calling them blenderalls you have "a problem" WTF
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