Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Guy in the room next to us in the ER is chanting "I'm jeff and I'm drunk". He's trying to get released to finish tailgating for the Iowa game that starts in 9 hours.
Could someone please explain the rug burn on the right side of my face and do I need a shot of penicillin?
We broke up in downtown Nashville with drunken, blow up penis waving bachelorette parties walking by. For some reason I can see this ending up as a country music video.
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
I guess I've just seen a lot of penises since then
It's not ok to announce to a group of people playing beer pong that a girl put her finger in your butt last night. I now know this
I just hope the day something happens to me my phone just dies, like literally died and will never turn on ever again. I feel like God owes me that much.
She's trying to change her flight... IM BEING COCKBLOCKED BY DELTA CUSTOMER SERVICE
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I would rather suck a dick or two than go there
How do I let my trainer know I'm only at the gym so I can get in more intense sex positions?
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
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