Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
when i woke up this morning i blew my nose and ash came out.. i'm not sure what to make of this.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
yeah, but the first step is admitting you have a problem, the next step is kidnapping him
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
You are not going to get a pat on the back from me for not fucking that 40 year old again.
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
I feel like I owe her child an apology or something after blowing my load on the tattoo she has of her.
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
Captain Morgan does not know self control. Nor does he teach it.
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
"They won't do it. I'm in the middle of darkness. " and "Probably going to die. I've been walking for 50 minutes in one direction" are the last texts I got from Steve
Randomize
