Your vagina is a self cleaning oven.
Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
You answered the door when the cops arrived with a beer in one hand and a pillowcase over your head yelling "GAGA, OOH LA LA!"
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Do you think I could put your penis on reserve for tonight or tomorrow night?
I mean it's my life so what if i want to drink Molson from my sparkly shoes and not regret anything
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
He was hammered and shot his pistol into the lawn. Next thing I know sheriffs are at our house with M4s. He likes to party
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
apparently while i was high i thought that putting a dinosaur temporary tattoo on my inner thigh would keep me from taking my pants off and having sex with him...
...it didn't...
You tried to ride his dick and fell off. Then tried to ride the floor. That's why he hasn't called back
When your guy changes his swinger profile to include you. #makingprogress
Like sorry your dick won’t suck itself?
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