If its vodka, everyone is attractive. Tequila, everyone is dead sexy, single and fuckable.
Yet again my drunken self has managed to find his way into the middle of nowhere with no shoes or recollection of what happened last night.
Then I guess you don't remember me driving you there after you tried making out with my girlfriend, dipshit.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
I thought you wanted to talk?
What part of "Lets have angry sex" means I want to talk?
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I'm not strong. I'm hormonal, sad, lonely, and trying to get laid via tinder
You wrapped yourself in tin-foil and told us you were Iron Man. I have pictures.
He ran out to tell us that somebody flooded the bathroom, then went back in there fell on his ass and asked why the floor was wet
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
Just looked at my bank statement. 9 out of 10 transactions on the first page were from 9 different bars. The 10th was for birth control pills at the pharmacy. I need to rethink my lifestyle.
What am I supposed to say? "Oh hey, I can't go out with you tonight because I can't picture myself sleeping with you and I was high and just trying to be nice when I said yes"?
I'll tell you all about it in person but let's just say the big dick fairy must really like me right now
Stacy was in the bathroom puking, so he peed out the window. We were eight stories up.
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