I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
I just saw how many times I called you last night. You're welcome.
Sorry about teling your dad i'd have sex with him last night in front of your mom while i was drunk
After I just paid $211 for my hair to be dyed and cut this guy at the bar said "I know you died your hair with koolaid, but I'd still fuck the shit out of you"
Well regardless of which drugs we choose to do tonight until four in the morning, we are having a wii bowling championship. So choose carefully.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
She invited us over for cocaine and donuts
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
You better have a raging boner when I get to your house and it better be worth missing work in the morning.
I slept with six men with different nationalities this week. Who says I'm not a woman of culture?
I feel like my entire body is ashamed of me today
You're a god amongst men today
Randomize
