I'm pants shitting drunk right now
First, he can't make me cum.. And now, he can't get it up because he LOVES me?!!??! i don't think so.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
You don't know the meaning of what the fuck until you wake up naked and alone in someone's bed staring at a dead squirrel on their dresser.
All I've accomplished this quarter is making Uno an acceptable drinking game.
It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
In honor of the internet blackout, I think everyone needs to change their Facebook pictures to ones of them being blacked out.
What goes on in that head of yours?
Gay sex, for the most part. Why?
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Don't trim your pubes if you've been drinking. I can't believe I have to tell you more than once.
I don't even think NICOLE made a fool of herself last night...
your aware she lit herself on fire, right?
My theory is if i keep drinking, evolution will kick in and I will grow a bigger, faster, and more improved liver by January.
Randomize
