I just found out the FDA voted to ban Vicodin, my last connection to this world has been destroyed
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
Totally about to meet up with Ryan in an empty parking lot. Expect to fuck him. Yes I know it's 3am. Slutty? Possibly. Excited? Damn right.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
he seriously made his penis a facebook.
Fell in the ditch running from the pizza guy I stole the pizza from. If you are still at my house come find me, pretty sure I need stitches.
I have reverted to folding laundry while watching porn. how much sadder can my life get?
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
It must suffice lest there secretly exist a picture of me walking out of the ocean at midnight naked and half mast with a sea urchin on my ass
I got into a fight with the dude who fell asleep on my couch bc he wouldn't wake up but managed to get a lunch date set for thurs with another guy by the time he finally left. So how's your day so far?
no strings attached, like you could fuck him and then throw him off a building right after
We could put on there: "Drink jager bombs and do stupid shit faster, with more energy!"
We are no longer allowed to make spur of the moment decisions about our love lives
ABSOLUTELY NOT
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Fun fact: You might be drunk if your vision is so blurry that you almost ask "do you know where my glasses are?" while you're wearing them.
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