xbox live and facebook are tricking me into believing I actually have an active social life
I just rolled a joint with a page from On The Road by Kerouac. I have never felt like more of a hipster.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I am more sore today than I was after my car wreck. Take it as a compliment that you bang harder than a semi-truck.
We hung out in the bathroom the whole time and talked about sex and watched some girl pee. If you don't believe I was there, check the bathtub for bread crust.
I woke up and found 10 txts from him. All sent at 6:30 am, and all about the muffin man.
I put the condom across her upper lip. It was like a mustache of a job well done.
I dont know. Theres no way you can be ready for the sex hurricane that will consume you.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
I should get an "I gave blood today" type of sticker, but instead it would say "I went balls deep today"
I'm sure if Robin Williams was still with us he would want you to see boobs.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
Randomize
