I showered today. Officially upgrading myself to useless.
I'm such a slut...i kept having sex with him after he called me his ex gf's name. I just felt like i deserved something out of it too.
He showed me a four inch blond hair that grows out of his side. He calls it his little ray of sunshine. Please come get me.
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
Don't upload the drink o meter to your google calendar. Somehow binge drinking looks even worse with a time stamp.
You refused to get in the cab so we rock paper scissored to decide who walked you home and the fat guy was it. So don't blame your poor hook-up choice on me; it was all you.
I still have his teeth marks on the base of my penis. You didnt miss much
We got kicked out of Walmart for playing cod with squirt guns of course it was better then prom.
"I'm looking more at his dick bulge." Never thought I'd hear those words come out of my boyfriend's mouth.
Sounds good. Look at us. Planning sex like proper adults.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
But he said I was unpatriotic for not having sex with him. What was I suppose to say to that?
Randomize
