I'm home alone watching The Hills seasons, eating pickles and drinking straight rye. I just googled "how to make friends". Probably not the most pro-active solution. Help.
I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
if you made me into a cookie and threw me into a betty crocker easy bake oven on christmas morning...that's how baked i am
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you came back at 4am in a suit jacket and a half eaten burrito...
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
Im blasting "Fat Bottom Girls" as loud as humanely possible in attempts that old ladies doing water aerobics will take the hint and get the fuck out of the pool.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
I LACK THE NECESSARY BRAIN FUNCTIONS TO BE ABLE TO PROPERLY RESPOND TO THAT
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I always felt my time would come in the form of a tidal wave of whisky
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
Did I literally just offer a blowjob for help moving? Yes. Yes, I did.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
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