And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
making your facebook status TEQUILA is like basically saying "im easy tonight. feel free to take advantage"
She's grinding on a deaf black man and I'm the interpreter.
I just contemplated drinking cheese dip. And by "contemplated," I mean "attempted and was forcibly stopped from."
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
I specifically remember rubbing my eyes thinking I could definitely go blind and I really like came to terms with it I was like ok my other senses will develop this is fine
Thanks for letting me cross "getting high at park with children" off my bucket list
You were staring right at you dick at the urinals, then looked at all the other guys dicks and fist pumped saying "I win!"
He lives 20 minutes away driving distance and decided to walk. I talked to him today and he took a nap along the way... In a cemetery.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
Let's get this straight. I am six fucking feet tall. Do you even understand how limited my options in guys to date are? No. Did you see my last three boyfriends? I looked like a fucking giant next to them. So I will fuck this six-foot-seven Italian model even if I am the ugliest girl at this party because, goddammit, I deserve to.
i just realized i have only had sex on couches so far this year. i can't decide if that's impressive or trashy
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