I just spent the night with a bunch of indian guys and i wasn't attracted to a single one. Yeah i've officially become an anti-indian indian.
We fish bowled my car and anna told us a story about time travel and part of it had people melted into the side of a boat and i imagined them being melted into my car moaning in pain and then we got scared and thought zombies were outside and couldn't leave for a while.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
I am midnight drunk by noon
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
Jesus Christ, she just started playing Enya and is humming along to it. Way, way, way too hungover to deal with her shitty taste in music
This is one of those times where I really wish my vagina could tell me what happened last night.
you should be careful. everyone knows your chances of pregnancy increase by 100 percent when youre the daughter of a religious figure
Trust me I was high for like 5 years...I got this
My fuck buddy is great and all, but it gets weird when she gets in arguments with her BF in the driveway
We hooked up last night. I think it was great for our friendship.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
It's not a funeral, it's a celebration of life. Going commando AND braless is really just honoring him!
Of course I'm watching space shows while stoned on the science channel. Why would I want to learn while not baked out of my skull?
You think you can just send me a picture of your dick and everything will be ok?
Yep.
Randomize
