i finally understand why guys leave in the middle of the night.......they got it right
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
I watched her choke out a bouncer with the broken strap from her purse, I think shes the one.
I puked all over his apartment, then slept with the skinniest girl here. Which isn't saying much in Ohio.
We found you on the floor drooling you kept saying over and over how you were double jointed.
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
I should have slept with you when you were wearing the gorilla suit. I've had dreams about your chest hair. I hope jail wasn't too bad.
Sundays should be dedicated to Girl Scout cookies, sex, and super hero movies.
What? My family got wasted on patron and I threw up on my pants and said it was gravy. Hot mess.
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
i just got referred to as "the Loch Ness Cockster". God bless my Scottish heritage.
Holy shit, just saw a girl in the library smoking a bong disguised as a calculator
I told him to take his man panties off and take the fucking Jaeger bomb already, so no to a 2nd date
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