the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
They got a 10 foot tall beach ball from the roof of a McDonalds. Get the fuck over here.
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
I figured out that he lasts longer when I rap during sex. He made it all the way through "Love the Way you Lie"
Dear, was it your thong we found wrapped around my hairbrush next to Rachel's bed? Please explain.
The only thing worse than being hungover is being hungover and not able to open your mouth wide enough to eat a cheeseburger
Some cougar Brit said she loved me. America is bouncing back.
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Dude, I'm trippin balls. For real, I thought this bag on my floor was my dog for the longest time...
He's all enlightened and liberal. My next beefcake will be much more Neanderthal.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
sorry for showing your butt to the bar
sorry for licking your cheek
Just spilled beer all over my bed. Should cut myself off, but instead I just took my shirt off and used it as a towel.
The fact he has had a girlfriend for 5 years and they are trying to work it out isn’t going to stop me from sleeping with him. He said it himself you can’t cheat on someone you love...
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