Holy wow, I found all the old poems u wrote me back when we were in looooooooove...just sort of wild to look back on, thought u'd like that
Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
I drove to my yoga class while eating a piece of bacon. Wow. I see myself in a whole new light.
Omg. I felt like a crazed animal last night. My lesbian instincts burned a hole in my panties.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
dude, im taking a shit and i just realized it's his MOM in the shower not him...oh fuck
Sneezing cum all over the table was not the highlight of the family reunion if that tells you anything
he's a ginger AND was born with 2 holes in his penis. sleeping with a rare species & I LOVE THE THRILL
We had to push you home in an abandoned shopping trolley. You thought you were in a pirate boat and kept yelling "AVAST, ME HEARTIES".
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He has a penis. Therefore, he counts.
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