just won the tropical speedo for $11. i didn't know they sold pussy magnets that cheap
you know whats weird about having a girlfriend....I look forward to masturbating now....sort of like quality me time.
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
I thought short asians scared me, however seeing my first tall asian I'm terrified.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
His body is like Jesus fingering me while I eat birthday cake
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
Just got a blow job while taking my online quiz. How is life in the dorms treating you?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
Drinking a bawls. If I'm dead when you get home, yes, they are poisoned.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Sometimes i wish my vagina automatically turned itself off when i'm legally drunk.
The day will come again young grasshopper. For now you must complete your training of patience and tongue biting
Randomize
