At Coney Island the sign for the rollercoaster The Cyclone says, "Make sure your glasses and weave are secure."
i realized that the internet ruins the joy of a father passing down playboys to his son
i kept telling her phones are not food, and she countinued to put it in her mouth..
I fucked him in a hamburger. literally. he has a hamburger bed.
in hindsight, $10 Malibu buckets were a terrible idea...
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
Maybe shotgunning 4 days after oral surgery wasn't such a good idea after all...
Pizza toast. It's like pizza but on toast. BC we are broke. OMG its so good.
You would never do this sober.
this year we will have multiple halloween identities. lesbian couple meets brian and stewie
THERE IS NOT ENOUGH CAPSLOCK IN THE HISTORY OF THE WORLD TO EXPRESS MY CURRENT STATE OF WHAT THE FUCK JUST HAPPENED
You're not horrible. Thank you for my pandas.
Some girl dressed in nothing but Wonder Woman underwear and a cape on her ass just started twerking all over us. Remind me why I'd never been to a midnight of Rocky horror before?
See I insist I'm not a groupie and then I say things like "will bang for a backstage pass".
I googled my name and pictures of you drinking showed up. Way to steal my thunder....
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
