you left a note on your car that said " please dont tow, im to drunk to drive. safety first!"
Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
yo everyone went to the hospital last night
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
How do i tell my boyfriend " I'm taking the two weeks im in Europe to fuck my way across 9 countries" in a way where we will still be together?
My brother just woke up to see me on te couch dipping hamburger buns into pizza sauce. I'm beginning to question the life choices that led to this moment.
Maybe your new years resolution should be not to fuck in Sears bathroom anymore.
I just remember being in the bathroom alone cussing out the bunny
What kind of gift says: "I love you because you're my mom & I'm obligated to, but I don't like you" ?
How sad is it that I'm looking in the farm & garden section of craigslist to find a weed dealer. I mean, that's where they'd be right? Just gotta break the code.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I watched you fall asleep, sitting up, eating a cinnamon roll. You proceeded to wake up...smile at your cinnamon roll, ask it how it got into your hand and then began eating it again. You asked me if you were ridiculous last night, define ridiculous.
I sent her a picture of Richard Nixon and said "these are the only dick pics I send".
All i really remember is meeting this guy dressed as jesus and i kept taking his wine and saying "the body of christ!"
I also woke up in my friends room to 3 girls and a naked boy on the floor but thats besides the point
I feel like I'm in a development meeting for a Lifetime original movie.
Randomize
