I use a guy for sex and get three minutes out of him. go figure
And then a tiny penis fell out of my purse
We had sex on my friends waterbed ..after that the whole school kept asking him if he had fun getting "sea-sick" last night.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
In less than 3 minutes we had 3 security guards running after us
He has in a pan: ten pieces of bacon, two cloves of garlic, an egg (not scrambled or hard boiled, just an egg) and frozen corn.
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
I don't care how drunk you were. Sending me a pic of your dick dressed as Uncle Sam with the caption "I want you" isn't an acceptable pick up line.
theres 2 cans of open Campbell's soup on the counter and a note that says "guess which one is puke" ... want lunch?
Just read the 12 signs you're a horrible roommate post and fucking in your roommate's bed wasn't on the list, so I'm a pretty awesome roommate.
He called his dick "The Beast" and said he lived "The Beast Life". He was pretty but it was better if he didn't talk.
It's okay, big boobs are better than running.
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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