Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
he was drinking cheap vodka with warm tap water and a packet of crystal light. if that's not an alcoholic then idk what is
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
Saddest moment ever is discovering when your cat no longer wants to get high with you.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Do not shit in our house. There is no TP. I am walking to get more, if I do not return, I have probably died of dysentery after my last wagon wheel got stuck in a gulch. Tell Martha and Lou Ann that I love them, and that I passed away doing the Lord's work.
Passed out drunk in a tanning bed...
Did At The Beach call the fire department to get you like last time?
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
Went into Walmart to get a pregnancy test. Came out with a beta fish and chocolate.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
the guy I've been trying to get with saw my brother's genitals before he saw mine, so that's my life.
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
i feel as though me waking up and asking her if i went to the hospital was a sign that i was not okay
dont go in the freezer to fetch your weed. my vibrator may or may not be in there. not sayin, just sayin
There's a guy in a plaid shirt running around asking everyone if they want to head butt him
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