why did i make a hit list last night containing only McDonalds?
you tried to order a magarita mcflurry and when they said they didnt make those you tried to call 911
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
Thank God. You really dodged a small penis there.
The guy who took my order at mcdonalds asked for my number. I think we should start fucking fast food employees, they're easy and think we're goddesses.
Also managed to rip my pants and set myself on fire. And oddly enough I'm still not ready to ask for 2010 back.
deryk tried to steal your screen door and i think sam and brent are duct taping lauren to the diving board.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
I haven't seen her in ages, how is she?
Well I woke up next to her this morning so I guess I would say she could be doing better
We got to the second bar and all he kept saying was "I'm on an alcohol safari!" Best 21st birthday ever.
I literally paid cover, got kicked out. Tried to explain that I was just clumsy, but mispronounced it. Then I got pissed off, stormed out..and clotheslined myself on a velvet rope. How was your night?
So I've discovered that being hungover at 25 feels the same as being hungover at 24. Happy Birthday to me.
GOOGLE HAS JUST RELEASED AN UPDATE THAT ALLOWS YOU TO CATCH POKEMON USING MAPS. Pack your shit, our time has COME.
I just had sex on a roof
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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