True but thats because hes a fetus.
It's like there testing me. My dad kept handing me margaritas and saying "you can take it"
Today my mom told me "that's what worries me about you getting blacked out drunk... You don't look pretty"
Oh god I can't handle any more dudes. I just walk of shamed to work wearing a guy's boxers and a life jacket. This summer is going to kill me.
I called my dad at 3 a.m. because I thought he'd be proud that I didnt get arrested. Daddys little girl at her finest...
just filed my taxes drunk as balls. i may be going to jail.
how are you shocked you fucked her? sure shes hot, but she also washed your beerpong balls in her mouth..... you should probably get tested.
You need to stop thinking about the needs of your vagina and concentrate on the greater good
I apologized to him for my lack of boobs after he felt me up
Regardless of your intentions, deep throating a Twinkie is NOT sexy. You owe that poor cashier an apology the next time you pump gas.
In the future, could you not call me 'bro' while we're having sex?
The fact I have to evaluate my choice between tequila and fruity pebbles is a clear image of my life right now
I helped you wax your vagina and you won't even get me Corn Nuts you fucking bitch?
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
Why do all my exes just become Tom Hanks in Castaway?
That's a fantastic question. And an odd set of criteria to meet if wanting to date you.
Randomize
