whats a polygalesbian?
lesbian polygamists..duh.
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
My mom is getting really tired of hearing the excuse 'it's 5 oclock somewhere'
so she finally agreed to being friends with benefits. not only did I take her virginity, when I woke up, she brought me French toast made with homemade bread in bed.
I worship thee.
She's sitting on the couch buck naked, eating a cupcake for dinner. I'm breaking new ground as a parent here.
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
what better way to celebrate the birth of jesus christ than to get embarrassingly intoxicated and make poor decisions!?
Just threw up in the shower. Hangovers at 23 are the best.
What am I doing? I'm usually only attracted to horrible people.
After we had sex he gave me a thumbs up... fucking A&M Aggies, man
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Randomize
