Segways are the fanny packs of transportation. Useful in some situations, but you always look like a tool when using one.
Are you for fucking real.? He divorced me just because he got a fucking girlfriend.?!
I'm stranded in the Hampton area. Looks like I'm going to have to take one for the team and pass out by this applebees.
I ate a pepperoni off of someone's floor last night. We need to talk.
It'll just be like "PENIS HERE". In case you get lost.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
I told her my blood type was O Positive and we started making out. Bio majors are weird.
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
Next time I will hook the Xbox before I get high I spent 30minuts thinking I was playing the Simpsons game when it was in reality a tv episode
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
