my door was closed and her door was closed but even over the r.kelly playing at full blast i was able to hear her say "THAT'S NOT THE RIGHT HOLE!". Def rethinking my roommate situation.
you kept yelling something about watching the muppets chirstmas carol and trying to turn the t.v. on with your car keys
Most awkward thing ever: Meeting your BattleShits opponent post war.
i love how he claims to not know english but when i ask him to come over and fuck me he's all of a sudden fluent
If I banged a coworker last night but didn't enjoy it can I put it down on my timesheet?
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
she has like 12 pairs of underwear people left at her house from the other night
Dude I broke her toilet blowing some dude. I wasn't going to turn down the 300$ he offered to fix it.
Mom has wine in a to go cup. It's that kind of night.
His dog ate the vibrator. The WHOLE vibrator. We spend the morning after trying to make it vomit up the battery. Why does this always happen to me?
How do I send someone an apology text for giving them a lap dance in the middle of a party last night?
Why is no one on Snapchat tonight? I want to see other people having fun so I know it still exists.
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
He expects a blow job at the movies but won’t pay for popcorn? Does he know it’s not 2017 anymore
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