allegedly i woke up at 5am sat in the dishwasher and peed
fine then we can just have courtesy sex i definetly won't like it
If I was doing exactly what I wanted right now I would be getting fucked on a jet ski while listening to "When Love Takes Over" by Kelly Rowland while eating french fries.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
Your "OraGel will numb anything" theory was the worst thing I ever believed in.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
Look, if he's not the brother with three nipples, I'm just not interested.
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
A surprise thumb up the ass and I'm wide awake. She was right, no need for caffine pills I could fight ninjas now.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
Mehhh. I just tried to type 'extremely', and it auto corrected to 'creek rot'. IT KNOWS WHAT I LOOK LIKE
I'm doing running of the bulls tomorrow at 7am...except in New Orleans roller derby girls chase you.
I'm not sure... But I think I just found a porno I starred in during my black out week of '08.
These tits shall not be calmed
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