My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I think he'd cut a tree down for me. He's from North Dakota. That's something hot guys do there, right?
I always know the weekend is over when the real license comes out and the fake goes back into the hiding spot.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Bruises. Everywhere. Table sex is dangerous
currently shading my boobs to make it look like i have mass cleavage...thanks art school
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Again? Most people check out of hotels, they don't escape from them
Thou shall not get drunk and hit bitch cup in pong and take shirt off while wearing a see-through lace bra again
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
I just had sex on my divorce papers. I've never felt so poetic.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
This is either going to be a hilarious catfish or the fuck trophy of the century.
Randomize
