It's my fault I'm alone. My closest relationship is with my blackberry....thank god it vibrates.
she gave up head for lent, but she said sex was still fair game
waking up outside has become so normal, the paper boy knows to set the paper next to me
After New Year's Eve I will be hibernating my life away. Only wake me up for skiing, schnapps, and sex. In that order.
Oh god. It's like a broken faucet. My guts sound like a bilge pump clogged with golf balls and cake frosting.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
I walk in and my mom has a Christian workout program playing. It's like, gospel music with an "electronic" beat to go with it. And then they try to save your soul at the end. I hate being home.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
Now when you said you'd never sleep with me, did you really mean never on a Monday or never without handcuffs or a blindfold or never on a airplane or never without lots of booze? Cus never is a pretty strong word.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic
I'm too high and old for this...
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
Too hungover to brush my teeth. took a swig of menthol schnapps instead. lazy or incredibly efficient?
Youre my hero
Life is clearly unfair. You remember Courtney has three older sisters, well they're all "make baby sister look like a four" hot. I knew I shouldn't go home with her.
Randomize
