the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
I just woke up wearing the O-ring from my dildo harness as a bracelet. Classy.
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
It's like the sisterhood of the traveling vaginas over here
I'm not sure whom I'm texting but I put you in my phone as last nights fuck budy, and I'm just curious if I left my clutch with you?
He always finds the good stuff. He's like a truffle pig for bud.
Nothing with ever convince me that she wasnt purposely left behind by our mother to ruin my life and fuck our family
Watched an eagle swoop down and eat a rabbit on my walk back from your place, literally too high to handle this right now
It gave me the St Patrick's Day nickname Slutty McShitfaced. I've never felt so understood.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
he was just sitting there in his underwear... and his chewbacca mask...
Randomize
