I think east. Tornado watch. What the fuck are you doing in Texarkana?
Bonnaroo. Tornado watch? Expand on that thought.
Watch for tornadoes.
I have a story that starts with Nutella and ends with sex in the laundry building at RIT.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
Why do I have flashes of a dark shed in my memory?
Because we had sex in one.
she's lying on the floor with a bottle of vodka, belting shakira. plz advise.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Man, I wish they all looked like that. Your vagina deserves to have a nice frame around it, and God's signature at the bottom.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
We can't shop at Hobby Lobby anymore. They don't like Plan B which basically runs through our veins.
fuck off. It's 10am and I'm drink gin and ginger ale through a twizzler straw. My life is marvellous
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Randomize
