The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
: am i supposed to send the mass text 'merry christmas!' to my booty calls too?
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
she reminds me of the first time i discovered masturbation. that's how you know it's true love.
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
Contents of my pockets this morning: phone, condom, one hoop earring, half a cheeseburger, lighter and a $87 receipt from tacobell. Time for work.
I was so drugged up it was amazing, I felt like a dinosaur "because I enjoyed spinach, and I got apple juice and only dinosaurs get apple juice" according to me the day of, and last night I felt like a rocket ship
I was thinking that maybe I should not apply to Wells Fargo because they def have me on candid camera taking a drunken nap at 3am in their lobby.
so i woke up at six am and his bathroom was flooded. i think i fucked shit up in my sleep.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
I get dinner and bf perks from the one guy. But dick with no commitment from the other. I’m living my best life.
My boyfriend just called me on his poop break from work.... Is that what you meant by moving too fast?
I wore my lizzie mcguire socks to the bar last night. Because that's how i get all the ladiez
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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