Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
the toilet has never flushed louder then when you sneak home drunk and try to avoid your parents hearing you puke.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
i just walked downstairs to find my brother wearing a crossingguards vest and boxers. when i asked him where he got it he just looked at me, smiled, and kept feeding the dog yogurt
She said to bring taco sauce. Hoping that's a euphemism.
will you please stage a drunk girl intervention and tell him that his chain is severely harming his chances of getting laid tonight?
Well for starters the people who just made my burger at the grab and go just told me to "hang in there"
WTF YOU SHOULDNT BREAK A SWEAT TAKING A SHIT. MY BODY HATES ME.
I'm in too deep with Breaking Bad. I realized I've altered my Tinder likes to people that either look like Jesse or work in a school's Science department.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
I've been eaten out in coupes, sedans, trucks, suv's, you name it. If I can do it in a smart car, you can do it in a vw beetle.
I knew you were the expert on doing it in public. You need to get paid for your advise
Randomize