I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
apparently, i ordered a pogo stick last night. i can't even be mad about that.
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
I'll always be here to give you immoral support.
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
My manager said you offered to make out with him to ensure I keep my job if I didn't show up to work today
There's times when I just want to bottle my farts for later they're so insane.
Fuck you. I've got onesies to keep me warm at night. And this bottle.
There is a guy down by the river wearing a zebra print speedo and a sombrero, with a beer in each hand, screaming "This is America bitches!"
just showered sitting down cuz standing seemed like too much work, thursdays need to stop making me their bitch.
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