Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
What are you doing tonight?
Watching dora the explorer and pining for a sex life.
I'm wayyy too drunk to be in a parade right now
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i just declared my major based on how close the department building was to our apartment. laziness has been brought to a new level
As if finding out the man you just had sex with is married isn't bad enough, it gets so much more awkward when his wife comes in to comfort you...
Hearing them have a conversation is like listening to water buffalo have sex. Awkward and scarring.
So my booty call knows your bf. Apparently they were in jail together
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Is is gay if I donloaded Grinder to see if my roommate is gay?
I accidentally sent a snap of my puss with the Republican filter... Totally killed his boner
But I thought it was so funny last night
You also thought you were a gypsy mermaid last night
look im sitting on my bathroom floor in my underwear snorting cocaine can we talk about this later
I just made myself 3 peanut butter sammies because I was too hungry to watch porn
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