I swear I have "I love assholes" written on my forehead with ink that only guys can see.
I just woke up my dad to tell him that i made out with the drummer. He wasnt as excited as I was.
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
She left me a voicemail too. It's just her moaning her name repeatedly
Seriously. You just grinded your ass all over the heisman trophy's dick. I want you to think about that.
I might scale it back and go as an investment banker. Which is the exact same costume as James Bond on LSD. I just introduce myself differently.
Being the only sober one.. I had to feed you guys doritos. You kept licking my fingers.
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Just ignore his excessive use of exclamation points and be happy this one is of age.
You fucker.
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Thats just a parental red flag. They have been brainwashed. Lets baptize them into the church of PBR
YOU HAVE BEEN BAD TOUCHED BY THE LEPRECHAUN OF CHOICES
do you think mom is upset that i left with the stripper from her bachelorette party last night?
Randomize
