he doesnt exactly give off the "im mature enough to use my penis" vibe
he doesn't drink and he's an emt - he'll be our dd for nye in exchange for a threesome tomorrow afternoon.
She was our DD the least I could do is have sex with her. Even when drunk I'm still chivalrous.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
hanging out with you guys is like living the wikipedia entry for drugs...not sure i can handle that tonight.
He blended the pizza with water and drank the whole thing. He is my hangover hero
This guy just asked me to stab his arm with my keys to make sure he wasn't dying.
I had to show the prof your text saying that I could pick up your midterm for you. I covered the part of the screen saying you weren't there because you were about to have morning choke sex.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I just woke up to myself peeing the bed. Happy hump day! I'll never get married.
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Trying to figure out why my back is hurting. And then I remember I got fucked up against a tree last night
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
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