Saved 180 Bucks tonight. Pulled my own tooth. More money to party with.
jersey shore drinking game rules must be edited. almost died. how is it possible for a person to say guido that many times
did you fuck him yet?
hahaha who do you think your talking to.. a nun?
Just took a celebratory "i havent slept with anyone in this bar" shot. yesssss....
nothing says new school year like ambulances and police road blocks.
She threw up on me during morning sex and now Im pretty sure I just saw a woman die at 7-eleven. This is way too much for a Monday morning
How does me getting a new dildo make you crave olive garden
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
He says I tipped the waitress ten dollars because she "smelled like pigs in a blanket."
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
Just gave my pregnant cat a safe sex talk. That high.
Just so you know the unusual amount of skittles on your floor is entirely your own fault. You bought me 20 bags of them while I was high.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
I'm unsure if I could pee myself at this point in my life
Randomize
