i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
we tried to steal a tractor last night. you should have come out.
I know your texting costs money, but I'll pay for it if you consider this. Oversized frozen jello shots. I'll buy everything needed if you approve. Let me know
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
Brandon's Recipe: two parts cocoa, one part sugar, one part milk, two parts four, 378 parts paranoia. Thanks for the fucking brownies, bitch.
You said you wanted to wrap his dick in a tortilla and make a spicy burrito. Let me just say, most girls don't have this hard of a time getting laid.
I am sleeping in the bathtub because my bed is too soft.
So yeah he had good weed?
I just had the best counseling appointment lets fucking rage
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
sometimes a perk of being a drug dealer is amazon gift cards. who knew?
Can you hurry up? Jamie just challenged my ex boyfriend to a duel and someone honest to God handed her a sword?
She didn't have her own?
Sooo I ended up ugly crying at the drive thru window at 10 pm last night....how was your valentine's day?
Well what did you order
A bitchslap is in order.
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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