and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
Apparently last night I sat at the bar with an upside down sharpie lightning bolt on my forehead, yelling "It's Harry Potter's birthday! Let me be on the qudditch team!" And I kept calling the bartender Dobby. There are videos.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
I'm lying topless with an eye infection at the foot of my bed with a dog between my legs. With disney in the background. Its one of those 3 am moments
You were on shrooms and "the trees are crazy green!" is all you could manage.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
Apparently I told him he would be good for human sacrifice.
bitch i am allowed to be rude i just fought cold hard porcelain with my face
Woke up with an entire pizza face down in my bed beside me... untouched. Never beer bong a whole bottle of wine.
she's pretty fucking smug for someone who has had unprotected sex with a convicted felon
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I'm gonna make out with this 38 yr old. Mark my words. I don't even have daddy issues.
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