you want to go make fun of the strippers on try out night
i got kicked out last time for laughing
Last night I walked out of the bar got in a cab asked the cabi to circle the block. he did and brought me right back to the bar. I paid him $7 thanked him and walked back into the bar.
Disregard any previous text from the past 12 hours. Except for the one about scoring a strike while drunk bowling. Remember that one.
Just bought a disco ball for 5 dollars, of course we're drinking tonight.
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Your friends turned off our power in the basement and when we went to turn it back on I got sprayed in the face with a fire extinguisher. FYI.
I knew as soon as he opened a beer with his teeth to shotgun it that I was going to sleep with him. I'm never going home.
Gosh, I don't even have that. Let alone someone to tie me up and whip me with Twizzlers.
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
I went to bed at ten on a Friday night I have virtues to spare
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Dude I'm so clean right now. Like I feel insulted that I can pass a piss test.
We got a noise complaint for vacuuming too much but not for getting really high and yelling about peanut butter
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
Randomize
