every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
i just entered cocaine into my calorie counter.
Thank you, bloody toiletpaper I found in the hamper. I was worried that today was going to be boring.
One night stand. Woke up at her dad's house. She already left for work. Shit's about to go down.
turkey basters and jungle juice, is that really the whole shopping list for new year's?
Chasing shots by shotgunning beers is not a good idea.
I'm about to play Thunderstruck by myself, that way I'll always get the long thunder part.
All I know is that either you or I told a black guy that he looked like usher and he was sexy and that is our confession
Maybe I'm a robot.
You can't be that drunk already
I need to find out this kids work schedule. I need mustache rides on my lunchbreaks.
Some guy just ate one of the dog treats. I have him a free beer. I love my job.
The guy whose porn password I use finally renewed his membership. Lazy fucker had been slacking all summer.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
Yes I went home with her last night. I woke up this morning and ran into my boss on the way to the bathroom. Monday is going to suck at work.
Randomize
