You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
No, we're smoking outside. We're hot boxing the world.
Is it bad that when my prof gave examples of "stalking" behavior, I either have done or would do most of them?
he told me that if i wanted to smoke he could make a piece out of my shoe. were keeking this kid around
This frat boy drinking a forty and wearing a pussy patrol shirt just ran out in front of my car. I should have used less brakes.
i suspect the closest i'll get to a valentine this year is a 16 year old on chat roulette asking me to show my tits. step up from last year, i guess.
I don't think anyone could emotionally handle a numb vagina.
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just hit the bong during the whole bday song then blew the candles out with my exhale.
adding to the list of how to lure in freshman boys: take dogs for a walk, yell at them from across the street, sit on the curb at 3 in the morning sobbing
The only thing keeping me calm right now is pretending to chop off everyone's heads when using the paper cutter
! asked the random counter guy from 7/11 for Percocet. he immediately called his hookup
In going to go underground and live with the mole people for a while.
i just drunk stumbled into my home... to figure out that we moved 2 weeks ago..
The fact that u had sex with a Disney prince blows my mind, you're my hero.
Randomize
