They should really pass out barf bags in church
Random 1st period thought: do you think she could put "had a threesome" on her resume?
She just got in car wreck. Wreck sex is better than break up sex
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
somehow, even strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA can't understand why he'd choose her over me
maybe it's because you talk to strange, drunk, middle-aged men on the RTA
Why i have shady connections. Owner just txt me asking to come by and judge the new stripper.
you put your hands over the taxi driver's eyes and shouted GUESS THE WAY TO THE CLUB
Once you've seen a girl stick a snake in her snatch normal stuff seems like Barney and friends
I'm semi drunk. I just bought you penis moisturizer. Not kidding. Keep an eye out for the package. Merry Christmas.
You called my nipples compassionate. What does that even mean?
i just found a red feather stuck to my penis and i really wanted to send you a picture but too much
Yeah yeah I know I have to bring your dog back.
When ur uncle gives you free weed, you take it
I think she tried to suffocate me with her tits...she almost succeeded.
I regret nothing
Not even Married Dan?
I regret one thing
Randomize
