Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm so hungover that the internet is hard.
My mom seriously just told me my insurance company pays for rehab. In an email. I expect a real, not just us joking, intervention coming on. I'm not accepting a "lunch date" with that bitch.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
In the middle of having sex with me, she reminded me that I was supposed to call my mom that morning. My penis has never retracted so quickly.
I am expending an amazing amount of energy to not throw up right now
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
State dependent memory. I just needed to feel my teeth. It was like a fog was lifted.
hell no. i was not wasting my two tears of virginity on him.
And the sexual frustration is like I'm wearing a damn horcrux
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
