I think horse shit smells the best of all shits.
If I had a nickel for every time somebody called me a bad person I would have enough money to check into rehab
It usually only happens when Im really excited. Normally not that fast. You still enjoy it?
I understand. Hypothetically what should one do after throwing up in the shower?
I'm just planning on experiencing Disney as adult style as it gets. Drinking bloody mary's at dawn and telling all the kids waiting in lines how badly their future sucks and that Santa isn't real.
You have to figure out where to put this turtle dude
I inadvertently smoked 6 blunts at one time. We just kept passing them around...I didn't know what happened until it was over. I can't walk.
Holy high batman
The hairdryer was like a fuckin obstacle course
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
At least I made out with him before he made out with that dog...
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
I air guitared a man's prosthetic leg on the bar to Bruce Springsteen. That's how it's going
look, im sorry that i yelled at your little brother, threw my car keys at him and smashed a stale cookie with a pool cue, but i swear to god i didn't poop on the floor. it was one of your dogs.
Today I made my parents proud-spent the afternoon floating around in their pool drinking beer-which I would ask my nephews to get for me out of the fridge
Oral stamina is what keeps life exciting
Randomize
