Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
there was a guy here who managed to get his head stuck in a fishbowl. no, I don't fuckin know how
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
I wish i could be on x for the rest of my life.
Take your time, they're doing body shots off the dog.
she's throwing a head of lettuce everywhere shouting HEADS UP and trying to get us to play catch with her. i'm scared.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
my boss just offered me his leftover salvia im not sure if it was a trick question
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I've started brushing my teeth at 6pm, because honestly alcohol is the only thing I consume after that
Nothing says "we're never gonna bone" like "nice haircut, it makes you look like my cousin"
Next guy I fuck must be a cowboy
I just watched a squirrel take down a snake,life isn't so bad after all.
I hope that will b the last time i take off my pants in the chemistry building.
I'm like the kinda excited when David After Dentist stands up in his seat, screams, and collapses
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