if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
we screwed to my bar mtzvah tape, I became a man while watching myself becom a man
Thanks for feeding me more tequila shots to prevent me from trying to fight her last night. Horrible logic? Yes, but you are the best friend ever
this is the last time we take the mathletes drinking.
found glitter on my cock. thank you for bringing me to that dance recital.
At least I tried to be smart when I brought the alarm clock into the bathroom just in case I fell asleep.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
Apparently I was so drunk I threw my entire wallet at the stripper on stage. That was the third time I should've gotten kicked out.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I threw up on my way to work while listening to "the good times are killing me". this award goes to modest mouse for creating the most poetic puke ever
They got mad when I cut the pizza with an x-acto knife. Oh well, more for me then.
Dude respond to my evite. You're either coming to the orgy or not.
New goal find someone I love enough to use these Japanese pancake flavored condoms on
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
Either im seeing the northern lightgs, someone is having a rave, or im on acid.. Im most likely on acid
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