please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
So i guess i slapped the girl sitting next to me leg and said "You know what they say, got fat legs...you gotta fat BOX"
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
Listen up tinkerbell, You're gonna come to the bar, hit on some fat chicks, and step up when I punch someone in the face.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just told him I want him to "take the reins". At least its festive sexting?
At the same time that I bought plan b I got some Girl Scout cookies too. It's not a total loss for you.
If I get aids I am starting a lawsuit against snapchat.
I'm twenty nine years old, now is not the time to start trying new drugs. I need a hedge fund...not another drug-induced hangover.
Yeah! Just remind me to. I'll also bring the blow up penis
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
Yo whoever left a thong on the dining room table, first of all get help second of all please remove it now
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
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