maybe after you take off her top her face will be hotter
The worst mistakes make the best memories. Write that down.
Graduating is kinda bittersweet. Now I'm gonna have to find another excuse to day-drink and sleep until 3pm besides "I'm in college."
I've had cake for breakfast the past 3 days. You tell me how bikini season is going.
And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
He still hasn't made a move, so I slept with his brother last weekend. Maybe sibling rivalry will motivate........
When the cops knocked on the door, he just knocked back and announced "house keeping"
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
if I blackout nd am found tomorrow w butterfly hairclips on my nipples and my habd down my pants tell my family I am sorry
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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