shit! I think I may have lost something in your car. Look for anything that can possibly belong to me, especially look out for a pair of pink panties in a ziplock. I lost my spare and you better find it before someone else does.
haha omg you stole $185 from a passed out drunk indian on your porch and called the ambulance??
savin' lives aint cheap
I bet when she looks at herself in the mirror she wishes brown paper bags were in fashion.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
I literally might walk of shame home on a cable car. If that doesn't scream San Francisco I don't know what does
at this point every shot is just a haymaker to my liver
Accidently said "your going to hurt the baby" when he got forceful with his thrusts. I guess I forgot to mention to him that we are pregnant.
I don't know. Something about answering "what did you do on Sunday?" Seems odd when the reply is, painted, went to the grocery store, put a restraint device on my bed.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
Sorry about my life...
Do you think you can chase a shot with chicken soup?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
So how was it?
The cemetery or the sex?
Randomize
